Jan. 23, 2010

Dear ones who continue to read my emails…
It has been one week since our team has returned from Haiti!
I don’t know how time is able to play such mind games, making my head spin and feel as if I was still in the mist of the Haitian mountains, the warm sun and warm people, the clinic, the earthquake, the hospital chaos and days that followed, the wait on the tarmac…and concurrently feel like my time in Haiti was light years away, as I’m speaking English not Kreole to my patients, that I’m waiting in Chicago traffic, not in the back of a pick-up truck on my way to work. The other warped sensation comes from both real time and memory flashes of visuals, sounds, smells; heart palpitations, stomach turning and acid taste – not knowing if these are a result of the past or present… or that these sensations are just from watching a movie, a very powerful movie. The kind where I’ve engrossed myself as one of the characters, needing to sit in my seat for some minutes following the full credits, gaining balance of where I’m actually at in the world during that specific moment. But then I leave the theater, start conversation, have some ice cream and gain my body and mind’s normal equilibrium.
It’s hard to put into words – it’s going to take patience and some mentoring from our friend time (none of which our media blitz seems to contemplate) to process this surreal experience. We all have many stories to tell, they will come out slowly and passionately.

I am once again experiencing deep heartache, as I empathize with those who suffer from horrific injury and even more painful, from the loss or losses of those they love. I know your empathy and compassion runs equally as deep as mine. Thank you for being in that same uncomfortable place with Brian and me, with all of our teams and with the Haitians both pre and post earthquake. I draw strength from my faith and the faithfulness of others. And knowing that in all things is God, and that God is good. And God is help and hope, endurance, love, peace…My racing mind stills for a moment when I remember that God is holding close those who have died, when their suffering was more than God could bear, or just that it was their time. None of this will ever sit right with me, with us, but I think that’s how we are meant to be. So when we are in a place of discomfort we can be moved into action. I have grown to know that my broken heart is my best part… otherwise I’d just be content living my beautiful life with Brian, my great kids, family, friends, flowers, food, fun…
Thank you also for “getting it” and for being ever close, side-by-side! I apologize for not being more personal with notes and thanks – again, that rascal time keeps stealing from me, leaving each day with a shortage!
Ever grateful and with deep affection - sue